Introducing May Starring Madeline Brewer
Photography by Tracy Nguyen; Styling by Amanda Lim
Hair by Clayton Hawkins; Makeup by Melissa Hernandez; Interview by Alison Engstrom
It’s so interesting that you said that because it’s something that has come up recently, this theme that anything is possible. I think for most of my life, I felt like I had to do things a certain way or I had to be a certain way, even though I was going down a more unconventional path than some people. I was going into the arts, theater, TV and luckily it has all worked out. I always felt like I needed to follow the rules, the rules I made up for myself or the rules I could find. It made me feel like, okay, if I am following the rules, I feel like I am on a path and that maybe it will get me somewhere, but I don’t know exactly where that is. There was always a lot of confusion, anxiety, feeling unsure, untethered, but holding onto anything I could. In the last six months, since I went back to work and also during the pandemic, I’ve been looking at life and realized there are some certainties, yes, some unmovable and unchangeable things but so much is malleable, so much is plastic, so much is adaptable. We as human beings are so plastic, we are always changing if we want to. That’s been a huge thing that has been happening with me lately, just feeling who I have been for the last 28 years doesn't have to be who I am forever. If I want to change, I can change.
Sometimes I tend to get to a place within myself where I think, this is it, this is the way it is and this is the way things are or, this is what I think about this thing. For example, my whole life, I felt like I wasn’t someone who showed emotion easily. I’d say, I am just not an emotional person. I am not a crier. Then I ended up playing the role of Tricia in Orange Is The New Black and this chasm opened up inside of me and allowed me to experience emotion more deeply and experience myself more deeply. Now for me to say that to anyone who knows me that I didn’t believe I was an emotional person, they are like, oh that’s freaking laughable because you are the most emotional person. I accessed a part of myself that I hadn’t known before and that I hadn’t tried to access before. I always said, I would never try skydiving and then I went skydiving and I will never do it again but I am glad that I did one time. I do try to challenge myself and open myself up to new things, as insane as they might be (laughs).
Madeline is wearing a gown by Brock Collection; Hat by Sensi Studio; Earrings and rings by Graziela Gems
Absolutely, I always thought I was going to do musical theater. When I booked Orange Is The New Black, I was working and had been since I was 17 in some capacity. I was always trying to make my own money and make my own way, even though my parents were very supportive—it was the way I was raised. I was fully prepared for a life of waking up at 3:30 in the morning and getting on the A train down to Times Square to wait outside of Pearl Studios at 4:00 AM to get on the unofficial list for a non-union tour of You Are A Good Man Charlie Brown. So the fact that it has gone a different way is totally unexpected but obviously incredibly welcomed. I do know now that this is my path. I love working in television and with the people I have worked with. I want to produce, direct and write; I want to do all of these things and it’s something that I don’t believe I would have found had I been doing musical theater for the past ten years, as much as I miss it. There was also a time when I was graduating high school when I thought, should I go to a four-year school; should I minor in theatre and major in something else because is this an unrealistic dream? All those things you feel. I kind of went for it and told my mom—who wanted me to stay in Jersey and go to a four-year school—I am attending a two-year conservatory in New York City, that’s it. It’s the only option for me and it was. It was the only school I applied to and the only one I wanted to go to.
For sure; I have been involved in the arts in some capacity since I was seven years old when I did my first play. My dad is super artistic, he is a singer and songwriter, he writes books and did some theater and directed, too. My mom is absolutely a lover of the arts, not so much an artist herself but one in her own way. She was a journalist and a writer, so I have been surrounded by the arts my whole life. My parents took us to plays and into Philly to The Walnut Street Theater to see shows. My grandmother, my mom’s mom, sang in a choir until she was in the 70s. I was in a choir, school plays, community theater, total nerd shit (laughs) but it exposed me to a way of life that a lot of the people who I have met were not exposed to. My parents cared about the Oscars; my mom can talk movies with the best of them, so can my brother. I come from a unique and artistic family and I am grateful for that. The arts are something I advocate for especially knowing what I learned, how the arts shaped my life, who I am, and what it taught me.
Madeline is wearing a full look by Philosophy Di Lorenzo Serafini; Earrings by Rowen Rose; Thumb ring by Walter's Faith; Middle finger ring by Bondeye Jewelry
That was interesting about doing that film—I had to sing more as a person and not as a character. Wendy is a character but she isn’t Glenda in Wicked or Elle Woods in Legally Blonde. She is a person singing from her heart. It’s so vulnerable to me; people who are singers and songwriters can put their heart on a page in that way, I admire them so much. It’s a skill I do not possess, like putting poetry to music and making it rhyme. It’s fascinating to me that someone can do that. I love singing and I will do it every once in a while for myself. I have been trying, as a new years resolution, to sing more and post it on the internet.
I loved the character; I thought it was unlike anyone who I have ever played before. I do often play more rough around the edges girls but this one was a bit more straightforward. It was nice to get out of a dystopia (laughs). The overall theme of the film is about the connections that you make with people and seeing people as they really are and loving them anyway. Family and friendships, the love you share with other human beings is what life is about. I love that. The director, Bennett had this teaser trailer that he played me and the film made me think about all of the sounds I adored so much and how great it is to be a person.
We are almost halfway through filming. I am currently in Toronto right now. I can say, I think a lot of this season is about connection and an important lesson, especially for Janine and the other handmaids. It is about the connections and friendships we have made and how we do all love each other, after all of this time, even after sharing this traumatic experience. Seeing some of these friendship bonds more clearly is a great part of the fourth season. That’s all I have got though (laughs).
I absolutely do. I think that saying is so true, the strongest people have been through the most shit. The way in which people are resilient and specifically in this case, how the women are so resilient and how they persevere. With Janine specifically, she keeps her fire; she’s a fiery human being; she was born with a flame inside of her. Even something like Gilead cannot extinguish that flame. I am bolstered by her as a woman, an artist, an advocate, or an activist in any way. I want to, in my work and my life, advocate for women like Janine. She has taught me a lot.
Madeline is wearing a dress by Alexis; Boots by By Far; Earrings and rings by Nancy Newberg
The first and second season was intense for me physically because I had on my eye patch, my prosthetic, for hours and hours. I was also going through a lot of anxiety in my life at the time. I would get very into Janine’s physicality and her skittish mindset and I would stay stuck in that until I was able to go back to my apartment and get into a hot bath and release the day. Now, I do know her well enough that she is a lot easier to put on and take off throughout the day. Actors have different processes, some days you can get on set and throw out a scene and in between takes, you are online shopping (laughs), while other days you have your headphones on and you are staying in it.
Madeline is wearing a full look by ADEAM
I am 150% the percent who needs to go for a walk in the woods and only hear the crunch of leaves under my feet; when I am in LA I love going on hikes. There is nothing I like more than walking through the trees, it makes me feel small and limitless at the same time.
I was absolutely surprised that I was able to be a dog mom. I had never had a dog before and I didn’t think I could do it, but now my dog is my soulmate; she is my twin flame; she is my girl. I also got into therapy over the course of the pandemic. I am very lucky that I have the insurance and the means to do so, but it has completely transformed my life in every possible way. I was so afflicted for so many years. I had a few experiences with therapists that were not too favorable. I was really afraid to go back, but I said, Maddie, you must do this. I did it; I was scared and resistant to it and I found an incredible therapist; it’s been great ever since.
Worse, you need to vet them more! Most boyfriends you can get rid of pretty easily, but a therapist you know is an intimate relationship (laughs).
I am on TikTok and they have these affirmations, daily habits, and rituals to be doing. I do my affirmations and one of the things I learned on there was writing down ten things you are excited about this year. In 2021, I am going to lay some incredible, incredible groundwork for myself as a woman and for myself as an artist. In addition to the groundwork, I have already been laying. This year is focused energy on that; not necessarily reaping all of the rewards—we don’t need the rewards or the recognition right now—we are just laying the groundwork in 2021.