A Conversation With Christine Ko, Star of the Netflix Film ‘Tigertail’

So often the road to achieving what we desire isn't easy. It requires a leap of faith and believing in what you want, even if cannot see it yet. This was the case for actress Christine Ko, who shares with us how she did just that. We talked to the star of the beautiful, poignant Netflix film, Tigertail about how she dove headfirst into her passion and how she persisted even when things seemed impossible. She opens up about dealing with the loss of her dad just when all of her hard work was beginning to pay off. She also talks about how the film, which was shot two years ago between New York and Taiwan in only 30 days, is resonating with audiences young and old and providing a wonderful escape for all those who watch it.

Interview by Alison Engstrom

Self-Portraits by Christine Ko

First off, how are you and your family doing during this unprecidented time period ?

You know, I feel like it has been up and down. In LA, we hit our one month mark and you oddly have a routine now but at the same time, you want it to end. It's such a strange feeling because I am so grateful to be inside, to be healthy and for my family to be doing okay. So on one hand, we have it easy and I’m not going through how hard it is for so many people. But on the other hand, you feel this weird guilt about complaining. It's a very strange emotional time. I take it day by day; it's the only way to do it. I feel like a lot of  people are struggling with how to feel productive during this time. It’s very interesting because yes, you have time, but at the same time you are going through so many emotions and you aren’t as motivated. And then that sets in the  guilt, it’s crazy. Everyone is going through these feelings.

I’d love to find out more about how your interest in acting started. Was there a film, television show or pay that left an impression on you that sparked an interest in the field?  

You know, I am one of those people where there wasn’t a moment growing up that I knew I wanted to be an actor—the truth was that I didn't know what I wanted to be at all. I wasn’t great at anything (laughs), I wasn’t an all-star athlete, great at playing the piano or the smartest kid in school but I liked creative things and watching Disney movies. The one thing that I remember was that I loved telling stories, daydreaming and getting lost in other stories, so I went to school at Georgia State for finance (laughs). The arts weren't something that my parents pushed. My birth parents, my mom and my dad, are both in entertainment—my birth mom is an actor and my birth dad is a singer—but I was adopted when I was three by my aunt and uncle who lived in Georgia, I call them mom and dad. So I guess entertainment was in my blood, but I wasn’t raised in that environment; it's not culturally a thing that Asian Americans push on their kids because they want very stable economic jobs—it's the stereotypical doctor or lawyer—but I had no passion for that so the one thing that I could do decently because I had some work ethic, was finance. I didn't even know what that was when I signed up for it. There was something, when I was in class, that I knew that wasn’t for me. I was one of those people who had to try all of these different things until I learned what I needed to do.  I had to fail at a bunch of different career paths. It wasn’t until I graduated that I reconnected with my birth father in Taiwan and he invited me to his concert and we started our relationship. Watching his performance gave me this excitement and I knew I wasn’t a singer but I wanted to perform and I still liked this idea of getting lost in stories. We had this conversation and he asked me if I would ever consider acting and I was like, I am not trained and everyone told me at age 21 that I was too old. He had some resources there and said we should give it a try. I got my first job by being really lucky, they offered me a role of a foreigner—the American who comes in—on a TV drama. I got on set and the whole script was in Mandarin, I don’t read it but I can speak it. I had one of my family members read the script to me and I memorized it. That’s how I learned my lines for my very first job. When I did that job, I just loved every part of it—as hard as it was and it felt impossible for me, it just felt right. For the first time in my life, it felt like I was doing something that I really wanted to do. So ever since then, I was hooked and I went down this very, very difficult path.

“For the first time in my life, it felt like I was doing something that I really wanted to do.”

How would you describe the road from when you first began to heavily pursue your dreams to when you landed your first big role?

The Great Indoors was my first big job in the States and it was a crazy journey to get there. I started working in Taiwan—it was easier because I didn’t have to audition over there. They have a different system where management companies own the studios and the jobs are already lined up. You just do general meetings with directors, you talk to them and then you get the job. I worked there for a year then I realized that I wanted to try to do it in the States because it’s where I grew up and where all of the films and television shows I watched were filmed. My parents were really worried because I didn't know anyone here and I didn’t understand the process. They were like, you are just going to go to LA? You don’t have a job or an income. I guess it's when you are young and not thinking about a lot of things, so I packed up my bags and moved. I didn’t have any friends. I got a waitressing job to pay the bills and then I was like okay, how am I going to find a job, so I went on Craigslist and on there I saw postings for ‘acting jobs for commercials’. I found a Petsmart print ad for actors, I showed up to this open call, took a bunch of pictures and that was my first print gig and it’s how I met other actors. I asked them what to do and they said I needed to audition, but I didn’t know what that was, and they were like, what, you don’t know an audition is?! (laughs). Ignorance is bliss in that because I wonder if I had known how hard it was, if I would have done it. I think for this specific career path you just have to take a leap of faith because if you keep thinking about how impossible it is you’ll never do it. You also have to be willing to ask really dumb questions. I had other actors tell me that I needed to get onto casting websites, get an agent and a manager. I ended up finding a commercial agent and once I booked my first commercial those clients were asking me if I had a theatrical agent. It took me four years of doing this, of asking questions, I wasn’t a working actor at all. I did every odd job possible, mostly waitressing and selling my mom’s nice handbags that she gave me as a birthday gift on eBay so I could pay my rent. Right before I booked The Great Indoors, was when Uber came out and I started driving UberX, I would pick up people they would say, sure (laughs). That was really great because I had time to audition and I was getting more success in what I doing because I was spending more time on the work, researching and auditioning. I had my first pilot season, and I booked my first, which was The Half of It, but it didn't end up getting picked up, but it was the same showrunner from The Great Indoors, so a year later, when I went back into that audition, they remembered me and I ended up getting the job.

“Every time I wanted to quit, there would be some sign that I had to keep on going...”

Did you ever feel like giving up? 

Absolutely, every first of the month when rent was due, I was like this is impossible. The main struggle with acting is not the acting or performing part, it's the getting by every day and surviving. I think that people think as actors that we are working all of the time and the truth is that if you get two jobs a year, you are doing really well. It's hard to do a side job, pour your heart and soul into something and every year go and sit at the dinner table with your parents and be like, I am still trying. People would ask, what are you in now and I’d say, well, I’m not in anything but I am trying.

What made you keep going forward?

I think the thing that kept me going was the feeling I had when I was working on set. I never felt that type of happiness in my work life and I had tried a bunch of different jobs. I had interned at an actuarial firm and I was like, I don’t want to do this at all. Then I tried to do businesses or go into fashion and none of it made me happy—that’s why I knew that I had to push through no matter how hard it was. Every time I wanted to quit, there would be some sign that I had to keep on going, like I would get a callback for a part, or this student film was wanting to work with me. I knew there was something there that I had to pursue.

So incredible and inspiring. Flashing forward to now, let’s talk about your new film, Tigertail. The cinematic quality and the music is extraordinarily beautiful. How much did you know about Alan Yang’s creative direction before signing onto the project?

I had no idea that the past scenes were going to be shot on 16mm film. I loved his work before on Master of None, but that was a comedy. I had no clue what the tone of the film was going to be. The one thing Alan did when I went to audition for the script was he put Youtube links to the songs he had in mind for each of the scenes. I thought that was cool because it gave me an idea of the world. Even though I couldn’t see the colors or the rice fields, I could imagine it. I thought it was going to be a certain way but the final project blew my mind. It's so impressive what he did with our cinematographer, Nigel Blick, the amount of money they had and the 30 days it was shot between New York and Taiwan—I  couldn’t believe it. I don’t know how you do crane shots in a rice field in the middle of Taiwan when it's 100 degrees. One of the things that I am most proud of when I watched it, was just how it made me feel so good inside.

You lost your father the day you were supposed to audition for the part.  What I’ve learned from dealing with the loss of my father was that everyone handles grief differently, especially if it is complicated grief. Some people hide it, others express it fully. How did you manage to do an audition and land the role while you were going through something so profound?

It was incredibly difficult but oddly cathartic in a way because I had to process it in this way. I think that maybe if I didn’t have this film, I would have processed the grief differently because I wouldn’t have looked at it head-on. I remember when I canceled the audition, I thought how I had never found a role that I really thought I could do—I felt it in my bones—but at the same time, the most important person to me wasn’t here anymore and I couldn’t even form a sentence, let alone go and work. I remember part of me was angry because it was all coming together and my dad was gone. He was everything to me, he adopted me and taught me everything about life; he was the go-to for whenever I needed advice. And even he and I had this strange relationship at times, because he wasn’t very emotional, it was very hard for me to feel the father and daughter love. When I was going through all of these emotions, I told Allen that I didn't know if I could do it because there might be moments when I burst out in tears and that's not what they were asking for but the triggers were coming. The one thing he told me was that he would protect me in any way and if there was ever a moment when I felt uncomfortable to let him know—and those moments happened. When we shot that restaurant scene, the silence was exactly what we wanted to portray and the relationship between the two.  The silence reminded me of the pain and the yearning for love in that. When we shot it, I remember it was 7am and it was the first shot up and I just froze, because I felt like all of my walls were up and I was like nope, no one is going to see this side. I don’t want to feel exposed, even though this was my job. I thought about all the love I had for my dad and how much I wish I could say more to him if I had a chance; maybe some of the things wouldn't be good, but at least I said it and I could let it go. There is an authenticity to that scene that was channeled through everything that was going on. A lot of people have either had that moment with their parents or they haven’t yet and they want to have it. 

“Even though I couldn’t see the colors or the rice fields, I could imagine it. I thought it was going to be a certain way but the final project blew my mind.”

What has been the reaction to the movie so far? 

It's been really interesting to see what people gravitate towards. There are so many different storylines. I thought that people would like one thing more than the other. It’s also been really interesting to see who people are watching it with. Some people are quarantining with their parents and they are watching it with them and it’s rare, especially for Asian American families because they haven’t seen a lot of films that look like us. I don't actually remember watching films with my mom and dad—sometimes there is a language barrier or other times we don’t have the same interest in what we watch. It’s cool to hear that people watched it with their grandma or their mom and they’d look at the flashback scenes and say it reminded them of when they were young.

I’d love to know any lessons that you have learned about life or yourself since your career has taken off? 

I would say that for this specific film personally when I was done filming it, I started to open the relationship with my mom after my dad passed. The one thing that it made me think about was all of the time that I have with my family and if those relationships are in a good place or not and how much I want to be open to what could be. So that was a positive thing for me to say that whatever things I had against my mom, I know that she is a person and I can empathize with her situation. Maybe growing up there were certain things I didn't’ like but now I am willing to open that door. That was a big personal achievement for me. 

Careerwise, and after finishing the film, it’s now understanding just why I am doing what I am doing. It's more about the process of it and enjoying it in the moment. It’s also understanding, as an actor, you give your all and you just enjoy doing the work and then after that, it’s fully out of your control. It's not going to go the way you think it is but the whole point is to be able to do it again. I am still learning and trying to get a grasp on it but I don’t think I ever will. I think every project will be humbling in a way. I never thought that this movie was going to come out at this time and this is how we were going to handle it but it's made me feel really grateful that this is even a conversation we are having. I think that I would feel really sad inside if all of this was going on and I was still pursuing something that I didn’t love in my heart. It feels really good to be doing something that I enjoy but that I can also provide some escape for other people, that’s all that matters. 

‘Tigertail’ can now be streamed on Netflix

You can all catch Christine on Dave airing on Hulu, and Upload on Amazon May 1st.

Follow Christine Ko on Instagram

This interview was edited for clarity