Mornings With Gabby Bernstein
In the series ‘Mornings With’ we begin a new day with inspiring talent in film, television and media, in an equally inspiring place. ROSE & IVY founding editor, Alison Engstrom sits down and chats about morning routines, exciting projects, New York and what inspires them and drives them to be their very best.
Have you ever read a book where you want to underline almost every single sentence? This has been the case with all of the Gabby Bernstein books that I have had the pleasure of reading, learning and personally growing from over the past few years. I would consider myself a student, or a Spirit Junkie (as her devoted followers are called), of all of the principles that she teaches from relinquishing fear, letting go of judgement, manifesting abundance and being unapologetic about your desires. It goes without saying that I was incredibly excited to get to talk to her about some of these topics in addition to her newest book, Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting A Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams. Being a believer and a witness to this awe-inspiring notion of manifesting, I got the chills in the best way possible when reading this book. There are so many inspiring lines in the book, she says, “Where there is a controlling energy behind your actions, you won’t receive the outcome you truly want. The key to attracting your desires is to release them.” In our conversation, she shares what is holding us back, how to get aligned with the universe and the key to it all? Letting go and allowing. My conversation with Gabby was one that I will hold close to my heart and reflect upon often, as it is just one of the ways that I have been able to become a super attractor and manifest the life I dream. I cannot recommend this book enough. - Alison Engstrom
Photographed by Daniel G. Castrillon
Gabby Bernstein
New York Times Best-Selling Author and Inspirational Speaker
THE LOCATION
Last Light at Sister City, NYC
THE DRINK
Lemon Ginger Tea
WOULD YOU SAY YOU ARE A MORNING PERSON?
Now I am that I have a nine-month old son and I have no choice! For the rest of my life, I think I will be waking up to his alarm clock.
DO YOU DRINK COFFEE OR TEA?
Matcha
In Super Attractor you say, “The morning is a sacred time and must be cherished. It’s when we choose how we want the rest of the day to go. A single shift in our behavior can redirect our entire day.” Can you share your morning routine?
I wake up and I change my son’s diaper and then my husband or I give him a bottle. We go back and forth in the morning. First, I drink apple cider vinegar that I water down with hot water and lemon. I also drink acidophilus to set my digestion up; at some point I might eat an egg to get things moving, then I drink matcha. If I wake up before my son, I will do a 20-minute meditation, but if I wake up later, I would have my husband take the baby out for coffee and I will do my meditation and he will do his after. I do Transcendental Meditation, so I use a mantra. If I am in a crisis for some reason, or I don’t feel well, I will go into a daily tapping routine, but now I only use it when I need it.
“Things shouldn’t happen when you want them too because your plans aren’t as good as the universe’s plans. ”
Do you say the same motivating mantra every morning or does it depend on what you need that particular day?
It depends, for instance, on a recent morning when I woke up, we had some drama from a launch event. It’s very easy for me because we all have old triggers and my big trigger is that I have to do everything. We have this huge team and we had a few issues with books. I don’t like disappointing my readers or giving people a bad experience. So I woke up and my husband and I were in this problem seeking energy of like ‘what’s wrong, how are we going to fix it’ then my husband was walking out the door and his back was messed up and my stomach was hurting—those are the two places that go out when we have a psychosomatic issue. I said, ‘okay we need to start over,’ so I hugged him and he hugged me and I knew that instantly he felt better and I felt better. It’s not that I don’t have an ego and that I don’t have problems, I just use the ‘Choose Again Method’ quickly.
Editor’s Note: The ‘Choose Again Method’ is one of the useful tools discussed in the book.
“the secret to feeling good is to decide to stop feeling bad. ”
Your books have covered many topics when it comes to spirituality. What inspired you to write your newest Super Attractor?
What inspired me to write this book was that I wanted to feel good. I think that we all have a lot of suffering no matter how many great things we have in our life. I think that we all suffer because of past experiences or anything that we haven’t dealt with. I had a lot of suffering. Even though my life was awesome, I was still facing a lot from my past. I felt like as I was writing this book that it was this monumental moment of claiming that I am ready to feel good and I was ready to be on the others side of all of the work that I have been doing.
Before we delve into the book—it’s incredible by the way—I’d love to get an idea of your writing process. You have penned seven books, has each book gotten easier to write?
My writing process has always been very easy. I always say, I don’t have to do research because my life is my research, but I tell my own stories and I live my stories so it’s easy to put those stories into lessons. I think that writing is a source of inspiration and it’s when everything flows and I don’t have to judge myself. I don’t have any blocks. I have an easy writing experience because I am not a perfectionist, I mean in some ways I might be because I get into the details at time—some that I shouldn’t be in (laughs). I am a creator and so when I am in creation I am not trying to write the most epic literary experience, I am trying to tell a story; I can let an editor clean it up later.
How long did it take for you to write it?
I started writing it in winter 2018 and I submitted it two days after my son was delivered. I was supposed to deliver it before and so I came home from the hospital and I just had to get it out. I walked upstairs, sent out my book and said, ‘okay, now I can be with my child for the next four months.’
Your candidness in the book is incredibly refreshing and you talk about how you still struggle with some concepts in the book from fear-based belief systems, like trying to control outcomes to the long journey for you to become a mom. it’s easy to put inspiring thought leaders into a super human category, but you are very honest, especially in your recent article in the New York Times.
That’s the only way that I could do it, otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to wake up in the morning—I would feel like I was a fraud. How dare I walk around and say ‘everything is perfect’ and it’s not. I mean everything is perfect and I have an amazing life. I am so proud of who I am and the life that I have created, but I have worked my ass off, yes professionally, but also from a personal growth standpoint, to get to a place where I am starting to feel the gifts of what this life is giving me. That’s no small thing; it’s a daily practice.
What do you hope that readers take away from it?
I hope that they take away that they have the ability to feel good and that they can create a life that makes them feel good. It doesn’t mean that we won’t struggle but I want readers to walk away with tools that make them feel confident and that can heal.
“When we are in the energy of trying to ‘push’ we are not trusting the universe.”
“I wanted that piece to be an opportunity to talk about addiction, mental illness and about medication as it’s needed. There is so much stigma.”
So often people get so used to feeling bad, they don’t even know they feel that way and they are scared to feel good.
Completely, one of the things that I say in the book is that the secret to feeling good is to decide to stop feeling bad.
Which seems so simple…
It’s not so simple in that we are so hooked into this feeling of feeling bad. But it is simple in that deciding to stop feeling bad means that we can choose to seek solutions; we can be open to receiving guidance or be open to reading a book like this.
You say that “Being a Super Attractor means that what I believe is what I receive,” which can be both good and bad right?
We are always super attracting but ultimately, we want to attract what we want and so this book will help people to get into alignment with what you want and what you don’t want.
I listened to your interview with Lewis Howes from 2016 quite a few times because I found something that you said and you reiterate in Chapter 2 incredibly comforting: “Everything is happening around me and I’m truly taken care of.” I adopted a similar mantra and have been saying it for two years. You talk about letting go of control and entering into a state of allowing. You explore this idea that, “When there is a controlling energy behind your actions, you won’t receive the outcome you truly want. The key to attracting your desires is to release them.” How do you release them through a mantra, meditation or by visualization?
Part of letting go of control is about prayer and surrender, the other part is spiritually aligned action. Right now a lot of actions my team are taking are very trigger happy, like we have got to get this fixed or that fixed and they aren’t big picture, so it’s an interesting place, which is an example of what this misalignment could look like when you are constantly fixing this or that but not thinking about the big picture. I think that has to be how we approach our life not just our businesses. You have to ask yourself, what is the root cause condition that is in the way of the flow rather than fixing the issue temporarily, so that you can feel good just temporarily. There is a real level of looking at the bigger picture and seeing what is in the way, so that things can flow more naturally.
We live in a culture where it’s more, more, more—work harder, do this, do that—until you are burned out, but you talk about the concept of ‘Pushers’ and that this isn’t the key to attracting more of what you want in your life, rather it’s the opposite. You say “Pushers have a fear-based belief that if they’re not super productive, nothing will happen for them.”
When we are in the energy of trying to push, we are not trusting the universe. We are not trusting that we are being taken care of or being guided; we are in many ways blocking our super attractor power because what we are doing energetically is unattractive. You can high perform and achieve with grace.
How do you achieve with grace?
You do so when you are in faith, when you trust, when you aren’t hung up on the outcome; when you have a daily practice of surrender and when it’s not about you, but when your achievements are about the greater good. An example of this is that people might say, of course, you want a New York Times article right before your book comes out, but more importantly, I wanted that piece to be an opportunity to talk about addiction, mental illness and about medication as it’s needed. There is so much stigma. There is a biochemical thing that happens when you have a baby that many people are not diagnosed with—it’s extremely common to have biochemical issues that happen in your brain and at the same time, if you have trauma, it can be exasperated. It’s also like boom, you have a new life to care—it’s very overwhelming. In my case, I was having a mental illness and well as trauma from the past. I wanted that article to come out so that I could speak about some of the unspoken shame that some of us don’t want to talk about.I’ve been getting messages from all over the world of people thanking me for telling their story—they say they don’t feel alone. People have come out to me about their sexual abuse. They say ‘thank you’ for making it safe to say that.
“By far the most important thing you can do during these times as a parent raising a child is to teach them how to express their feelings fully”
In Chapter Five you say, “From childhood we’ve created a worldview based on fear, separation, judgment, and scarcity,” which can take many years of unlearning behaviors and reversing bad ways of thinking.” How do you recommend to raise spiritually aware and mindful children in this day and age in a world that seems at times dark?
By far the most important thing you can do during these times as a parent raising a child is to teach them how to express their feelings fully. A whole human being is someone who can express their feelings fully, release them and move through them completely, but not necessarily quickly. If you don’t give a human being permission to express their emotions and their feelings then they can become almost like a shell of themselves. They become protective, blocked and on high alert.
You describe the power of signs and spirit guides and connecting to them quite a few times in the book including turkeys, lilies and cardinals, in addition to connecting with different angels, like your guardian angel. I’ve had some awe inspiring moments with caterpillars/butterflies and doves. “Know that if you’re receiving angels or spirit guides signs, your energy is receptive, and you’re indeed being guided.”
You have to be open to it, but you can receive intuition in whatever form is comfortable for you. When you start to ask the universe for signs and you start to receive those signs, it gives you a greater sense of faith. That’s what I want the reader to have and it’s why I talked about those signs in the book. I wanted to reiterate that faith and to keep doing so and to also encourage the reader to seek that connection.
You coined the phrase, ‘Manic Manifesting,’ this need it now mentality and forcing your desires on the universe. Something you talk about and how it effected you. What is the way out of this thinking?
Things shouldn’t happen when you want them too because your plans aren’t as good as the universe’s plans. You have to be patient and it will happen when its meant to. My son wasn’t supposed to come into this world any day sooner than he did. I would not have been mentally well enough to go through what I went through if he had come sooner.
“The more that you feel good, the more energy you have, the more you touch someone’s life...”
When you start aligning and you start receiving its wonderful and miraculous but it can also bring fear.you attribute that to ego and say, “The ego has convinced us that ‘good’ is limited and eventually our luck will run out. We suspect that anything really good is probably too good to be true.” Is this still something that you have to practice and how do you not let it stop you?
It’s your ego that is freaked out; your higher self knows that it’s right but your ego says ‘it’s too good to be true’, or ‘it won’t happen again’ or ‘I am not worthy of this’. So you go back to basics. You go back to the Choose Again Method. You can also go back to your faith because the more you strengthen your faith the more you become accepting of the good things that come to you.
I have dealt with this when it comes to permission to chill or relax. As I have gotten healthier and more mentally well, I am allowing myself to genuinely relax and slow down. I was talking to my girlfriend on the day of the book launch and she asked me if I was slammed and I said, “I did something with Jessie, my publicist, but now it’s noon and I am going to take a nap.” She asked me how I would take a nap and I said, I knew that it was the better use of me right now and because I am in a new practice for me. At first, it was uncomfortable but I now have this space to relax—with childcare, my husband taking care of me and with my team— I’m still not accepting that greatness, just like someone might not be accepting the gifts that are coming to them. I do this thing where I lay down or meditate and I have unapologetic relaxation. I keep repeating, ‘be unapologetic about your deep relaxation.’
In the Spiritually Aligned Action Method, another one of the many useful tools in the book, you talk about when telling the universe what you want to align with the notion of “this or something better.” I truly love that. So often I have asked for things that I didn’t get and it turned out to be for the very best. You never know what is around the corner. You add, “This way you stay open to the creative guidance from the Universe and don’t limit your manifesting power.”
The first step is to make sure that your desire is backed by service and love. The second step is to really strengthen your faith and to believe that the universe is guiding you—there is a whole method for that in the book. The third step is to be patient.
It’s very interesting, I used to think that dreaming was something that I did and there wasn’t a point to it. But after reading both this book and the teachings of Wayne Dyer you both note how that is a good thing, to let the universe know what you desire. In Chapter 10 you say “When you have faith in the Universe it becomes safe to hold big visions even if you can’t see them yet.” It gives me the chills. I know people who wouldn’t dare to dream. What do you think is holding those people back?
They don’t believe that they are worthy of them. It’s all about programming.
How do you de-program?
Read the book! That’s why I write books. A lot of people get up and ask these questions when I am talking and I’m like, well I could give you an answer right now and I can give you a little answer but you could really transform if you read for example The Judgement Detox.
You talk a lot about your inner voice, which can come through meditation or prayer. Would you say that your inner voice is your intuition or something more powerful?
It’s a voice of inspiration. You could call it whatever you want but when you are inspired you can hear your intuitive voice come through. The freer you become, the more you can allow that voice to come through. For instance, when I speak, I channel. I have a really clear outline and I do a tremendous about of work but then I let it go, but I have to be feeling free enough to allow that to come through. You have to create circumstances, especially when it is with your art, where you have the ability to feel totally untethered and to let that come through.
“When you start to ask the universe for signs and you start to receive those signs, it gives you a greater sense of faith. ”
Your Afterword brought tears to my eyes. After watching your Super Soul Sunday talk a few years back, you could feel your vulnerability and emotion on stage about wanting to become a mother. Congratulations on becoming a mom! How has becoming a mother changed your life?
The biggest change that has happened is that one I have this family now. My husband was always my family but now I have a family. Growing up, I didn’t feel like I had a connected family at all. I have a younger brother, who is a wonderful, wonderful person but I felt very disjointed family, but now I have my own family. It’s one of the best gifts motherhood has given to me.
How do you practice self-care?
Self-care is something that isn’t necessary just for those who have the time and privilege to do it. I can practice meditation or get a massage because I have created a life around me that allows me the time and the resources to do it. I want to acknowledge that person who might not be able to do that and my prayer for them is that they can listen to an audio meditation for five minutes or on their lunch break not go get caffeinated but sit on a park bench and breath. Finding those moments where you can give yourself permission to be still. I have many self-care practices, but I was the person at one point who had no money and had to hustle to get anything done. It was my spiritual practice that I could tune into when I had those moments that allowed me to become who I am today. For those who want to have more expansiveness and abundance in their life, it’s important to make that a priority.
To switch gears, your presence on stage or when you talk to an audience is captivating. Was this a born skill or is it something that you have cultivated over the years?
I think we all have that gift and we channel it in different ways. Some people may not be channeling it at all because they haven’t allowed themselves to heal whatever it is that is blocking the channel. For me, God chose to use me as a speaker, a communicator and a translator. Call it God, call it universe, call it spirit—I don’t care what you call it—but that’s what I am allowing to come through me, but its a co-creation; it’s a collaboration. I enjoyed the process very deeply of crafting motivational talks with stories and moments. We have to do the human work to then be free, to allow more to come through.
We are at an interesting time in the world where there is a collective energy that can seem stifling, anxiety-ridden and at times hard to navigate. One of the themes in the book is light, you say, “Darkness cannot coexist in your light.” What do you hope for the world today and how can each person who wants to be a beacon of light not give up hope?
Someone recently asked me a similar question and they said, “So many things are going on in the world and I have so much privilege. I feel guilty and I feel bad, feeling good.” I was like no, your responsibility is to feel good because of the people that don’t have enough. The more that you feel good, the more energy you have, the more you touch someone’s life, say on the subway because you smiled at them. That’s a ripple effect. People in first-world countries have to use that for the greater good. Don’t be ashamed of it and don’t feel guilty about it. Get into it and shine and then use that energy to be of service.
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A very special thank you to the Sister City Team